Sunday, August 23

Woman Contemplates Ordinary Methods to Off Her Boss

"Sometimes I'd just like to bludgeon him to death."

Mrs. Erma Kroft has spent a great deal of time thinking. Lately, during down time in her position as an administrative assistant with the merchandising department at Menards, she has been day-dreaming about her boss. And not in a fashion typical to a 62 year-old woman born in the affluent Hunter's Park neighborhood of Duluth.

When she's not thinking about hitting him hard over the head with a shovel, Mrs. Kroft sometimes turns to more traditional means for murder. "Poisons are just so versatile," she explained, "and he presents me with so many opportunities. Coffee in the morning. Lemonade in the afternoon. Sometimes he even asks me to get him some lunch."

"I can just imagine him writing in agony," she said, explaining that his death would be fully visible from the sales floor. Her supervisor's office, located in an interior, second floor location, is glass-walled - it can be seen by customers and employees alike.

Mrs. Kroft is introspective about the potential consequences of her actions, although she has no imminent plans to go forward with any of her ideas. "Not that it wouldn't be worth it, mind you, but I would need something more ingenious. Stab him with an icicle, or something along the lines of a good Roald Dahl story - one where I couldn't be caught," she said, referencing the short story Lamb to the Slaughter. Written in 1953, the tale is about a wife murdering her husband with a frozen leg of lamb... and then serving it to the detectives investigating the crime.

Sheriffs Deputy Clarence Wagons believes it is important for workers to maintain a positive outlook during the workday. "Mrs. Kroft may enjoy dreaming about bringing poison darts to work with her in the morning, but too often, that's exactly what happens - and good supervisors take the fall. She should really get back to work."

Deputy Wagons also cautions about being too clever. "A big part of my job is to keep workers working. And except for the Sheriff's backlog of unsolved cases, we always get our man. And 60 year old secretaries."