Monday, September 24

Man Seeks Equatorial Bliss

I had the privledge of speaking with Max Underwall, the renowned Duluthian, at last week's DECC Gun Expo. Below, the interview.

SF: Mr. Underwall, how are you today?
MU: I'm fine. I wish I were at the equator.
SF: What's at the equator?
MU: I prefer the equator. Time is more equal there.
SF: Is time less equal here?
MU: Obviously. Here, it's sometimes dark, sometimes light. Today, for example, we have something like 13 hours of light and 11 hours of dark. That's just absurd. No, for me it's the equator, all the way. I don't have the slightest need for any place that's anything other than 12 hours light, 12 hours dark.
SF: So, you're considering relocating?
MU: Would if I could. I can't figure out where I could go, along the equator, where we'd have decent temperatures.
SF: I understand it is quite warm at the equator.
MU: It is if you stay at sean, that is, sea, level. I'm sorry. I've had quite a bit to drink.
SF: I see. You're looking for a place that's somewhat mountainous.
MU: Exactly. I can't stand the heat. I want some R and R from the damned heat.
SF: Did you have success at the gun show?
MU: I unloaded four glocks I bought off an Icelandic guy outside the airport, so if you call that success, then I guess I've got it made. You?
SF: I usually just come to these things for the ambiance.
MU: I see.
SF: And what of your latest screenplay? Do you feel like it will meet with success over at Miramax?
MU: No. It wasn't good. I had to write most of it without the slightest expectation of whether it would be light, or dark. It's always changing. I've got to get out of this town.
SF: Have you considered renting a vacation cottage in Quito, Equador? I understand it is quite mountainous, and on the equator.
MU: No. I'm not allowed into Equador anymore.