Saturday, September 15

Local Cop Makes Huge Bust

(Babbitt, Mn)

Late on Friday night, local officer Thomas Necedah made an astounding discovery: "People were driving through Babbitt. Just driving through!" Necedah needed to enforce the law, so he parked and waited. As the silver jaguar passed him, he realized something was very, very awry. "The car was going pretty fast. At least 15 miles over the speed limit!"

Speed limits in Babbitt have been controversial over the past year. The City Council, in an attempt to keep people who would otherwise drive straight through Babbitt inside the City, has changed the speed limit in some locations, varying from a maximum of 15 MPH to an actual minimum on a city street of 55 MPH! Council President Todd Brewbaker believes "the new speeds have people slowing down. And speeding up! Tourism revenues are up at least $55.25. The result? We've been able to buy the whole Council new umbrellas!"

After making a safe traffic stop, Necedah approached the vehicle. "These people looked nuts - definately wired on something." And that's when he noticed the back seat. "They had several items of illegal contraband. I was able to determine that several of their "musical instruments" were actually purpose-bought for use at cockfights. And I happen to also be aware that they were attempting to illegally transport several incandescent lightbulbs across state lines. I know those are illegal somewhere, anyway. Maybe New York City."

The car, registered to one Teak Yolksnob, has been taken to the Babbitt impound lot. The prisoners are scheduled for a hearing before an administrative judge in International Falls on October 8. Necedah will be awarded a medal of honor for his actions by the Mayor at an evening ceremony on September 15.