WHO Warns of Mongoose Flu Epidemic

Weeks after the threat of a Bird Flu epidemic was announced, the World Health Organization is alerting the public of an even more dangerous disease. Some small communities in India are reporting an outbreak of Mongoose Flu. Medical professionals across southeast Asia are on high alert, and several villages are under quarantine.

Mongoose Flu is highly contagious and notorious for its devastating and odd effects. Symptoms of Mongoose Flu resemble those of rabies, with several key differences. Persons suffering from the disease may have excess saliva or foam at the mouth, restlessness, fever, hallucinations, and seizures. However, unlike those afflicted with rabies, Mongoose Flu sufferers also develop super-agility, extreme speed, and keen hunting prowess.
Dr. Parminder Rasgotra has examined several victims of the disease. She explains, “in the patients I’ve seen, the symptoms have been severe and resemble a cross between rabies and The Rage.” She advises those who suspect that they are in proximity to a person with Mongoose Flu not to make any sudden movements or make eye contact. “The most important thing is to make very certain you don’t do anything that would make you look like a cobra. Once the patient believes that another person is a cobra, he will attack, most likely from behind when he believes the cobra/man is weakened.”