Washed up squirrel

A rabid squirrel the size of a porcupine washed up on the shores of Park Point Beach this morning. It was discovered by a small child named Alfred who poked it with a large stick until it stirred. The boy then ran and got his father, who promptly called the Humane Society. Although no one knows what caused the beast to grow so large, many have speculated bloating from the water or being overfed by tourists' garbage. A representative of Duluth's chapter of the Humane Society, Diane Grossbeak, had a theory of her own. "I have repeatedly warned the sailors on those barges not to keep pets, and this time I believe they have gone too far" she stated in a heated fury, adding "they should be tracked down and thrown overboard themselves to drown." No one was hurt at the beach, and it is yet to be heard if any laidover sailors stop in for a couple rabies shots at one of the local hospitals. There was one casualty however. The squirrel, nicknamed "Piggy" by the young lad Alfred, was put to sleep immediately.