Tuesday, August 2

Munger Deposit Promises Big Rewards

(Duluth, MN) 5:30 PM

A massive deposit of magnetite, the valuable mineral used in the production of magnets, was discovered today in Munger, Minnesota. Munger is located just outside of Duluth. The magnetite deposit was estimated at 9,281 billion cubic yards of accessible material – approximately half the size of the Cuyuna Iron Ore Range found in NE Minnesota almost 100 years ago.

Local businesses were thrilled at the find. Kit-o-Mag King, a Duluth manufacturer of kitchen magnets, was especially motivated. Production Manager Hillie Lout believes that “the new magnetite deposit is going to drive down costs about 7%, increasing our bottom line by almost 45%. We’re looking to expand, maybe starting a new production line, and I think it’s going to result in a lot of happy new refrigerators.” Kit-o-Mag King produces the marginally popular kitchen magnets featuring human-like rabbits with rude slogans. An anonymous tipster believes that with the new production line, the company may expand into a line of magnets featuring human-like bears eating various meats.

The magnetite deposit was found by Munger farmer Clara Zarecki. “I always got the tractor stuck on this one part of the field, ya know, so I started avoidin’ it. Well then eventually I decided to try plowin’ it with an old fashioned donkey-pulled plow, and the plow just plain stuck. So I called my scientist friend to come check it out,” Zarecki alleged.

Local alchemist Dave Smith was amazed. “What I didn’t see right away was how Clara was sitting on the proverbial silvery-black rock-hard gold. Magnetite will sell for top dollar in this market, if we can figure out how to transport it. I guessed, correctly, the size of the deposit, and then helped Clara get it analyzed. I guess it was worth the mangled plow and the dead donkey!,” exclaimed Smith.

Zarecki alleged that the donkey disappeared overnight, perhaps due to a rare or wirey local animal. She expects to begin mining operations in late 2006.