Dance Fever

Emergency rooms nationwide have seen a rise in the number of dance related injuries over the last six weeks. The spike in ER visits has been credited to the ABC summer smash, Dancing With the Stars.

According to Dr. Nicholas Rutherford at the Harmony Medical Center in Harmony, Nebraska, “We’ve seen a lot of elderly people coming in with dislocated hips and various spinal injuries. They seem to think that if that white haired guy, J. Peterman, can foxtrot, they can too.”

After Wednesday’s season finale, a reported 58 young women were admitted to hospitals across the country.

“When Kelly Monaco did that backwards, down-the-stairs, flip thing, I knew we were in trouble,” said Rutherford.

Vanessa Santos was hospitalized with a concussion and fractured wrist on Wednesday night. “That helicopter move that Kelly and Alec did looked super easy. So my dance partner, James, and I tried it. It’s not really very easy. I guess we took out two lamps and a bookcase. I don’t really remember…”

Even Raging Spade ace reporter, uber haskajoulua, who fancies herself quite a dancer, has been injured as a result of DWTS. She suffered a calf injury attempting to master a samba move performed by Joey McIntyre and his partner Ashly. When haskajoulua recovers her health and Kate Oblonsky perfects her backwards, down-stairs flip, the Raging Spade staff is planning a charity fundraiser event called Dancing With the Raging Spade, where its reporters will partake in a ballroom dancing competition. Funds raised will be used to benefit Kate Oblonsky.