Wednesday, June 15

Famous Spade Reporter Cleared of All Charges

Our own Raging Spade reporter, the world-famous Steven R. Auro, was found innocent yesterday on all 15 counts of child molestation. The verdict is clearly a victory, both for this newspaper and for Mr. Auro himself. A visibily ecstatic Auro left the courthouse fairly quickly, but not until after acknowledging fans and well-wishers.

"It's a miracle! An absolute miracle!" shouted Auro fan Phil Berkheimer. "I'm a reporter too, and I try to use Steven's style in every article I write. He has so much talent. I hope I can write like him some day. That man is my idol."

Berkheimer was one of the many fans that never lost faith in the idea their hero was innocent, despite the fact that Mr. Auro had a less than clean record. Because of this, many thought the reporter to be guilty before the trial even started.

"The Duluth D.A.'s office has been trying to get Steven for a long time, and they tried to use the media to help convict him," Berkheimer hotly added. "They disagree with his rogue reporting and question his journalistic integrity. They only did this to silence him. But he cannot be silenced. He's a rich and famous man, and it's nearly impossible to convict those guys."

While Mr. Auro could not be reached for comment at the time, the Spade believes he will be breaking his silence soon. Especially since he's scheduled for work on Thursday.