Sunday, May 22

Local Kitchen Ruined

A cement truck crashed through the side of an area house on Thursday night, spilling its contents into the kitchen and causing thousands of dollars worth of damage.

The accident was reported by an 83-year-old neighbor, Gertie White. “I was minding my own business, looking out the window to watch people in the neighborhood, and this truck came crashing through the house. Right through the wall.” White immediately called the police and continued to watch as the cement from the truck spilled into the kitchen of Michael and Lucy Sawyer’s home. “I didn’t see nobody come to check out what was happening for a good 5 minutes,” says White.

According to Michael Sawyer, “Lucy and I were watching The OC. We couldn’t believe what was happening with Ryan and Marissa and Trey. Now that I think about it, I guess I might have heard something around 7:55, but when Marissa grabbed the gun, and it cut to slow motion, and that song started…and Mischa Barton kind of fell against the wall…forget it. I wasn’t moving. Lucy was so upset about Kirsten Cohen, I doubt she would have heard a dump truck drive through a nitroglycerin plant.”

The damage to the Sawyer home was extensive. “I guess we’ll have to remodel our kitchen. I thought this sort of thing only happened on TGIF shows. I never dreamed it could happen to me,” says Lucy Sawyer.
Gertie White, on the other hand, was not surprised. “With the loud music that they play in that house, and the staying out until 11:30…let’s just say it doesn’t take a Jessica Fletcher to figure out that something like this was bound to happen.”