Monday, April 4

US Senate Green With Envy After Duma Antics

Last week in Russia, flamboyant ultranationalist lawmaker Vladimir Zhirinovsky spat at an opponent and grabbed him by the hair before being pummeled by other colleagues in a parliament brawl.

The recent incident in Moscow has US Senate aid Julia Wilson wishing for things to liven up a bit on the Senate floor. “It’s a real struggle to stay awake every day, that’s for sure. It’s exceptionally dull. I’d love to see one Senator just walk up and punch another Senator in the face. That would be something worth paying attention to.”

A recent Georgetown University study reported Senators and their support staff spend approximately 12% of their time in the capitol awake. According to Wilson, staff at the capitol unanimously agrees that they would like to see some fisticuffs.