Saturday, April 30

New Discovery Embarasses Earth

A team of international scientists has confirmed this week that a celestial body discovered over a year ago is, in fact, a giant planet orbiting a star approximately 225 light-years away from earth near the constellation Hydra. Named 2M1207b, the newly discovered planet is the first ever imaged outside of our solar system.

Upon discovery, NASA scientists immediately focused their efforts on examining the planet more closely. Reports and photos from a Super-Telescope in Chile will be released later in the week. According to astronomer Ralph Livingston, the report will come as a shock to many. “2M1207b is quite advanced. 2M beings are already using flying cars. It appears that all households have servant robots, and meals are available in pill form. They’re way beyond where we are on earth.”

“It’s really kind of embarrassing,” says scientist Frederick James. “We should all be getting around by private jet packs. It’s 2005 for crying out loud. These beings on 2M1207b have probably been watching us for years with their own Super-Telescopes, just laughing at us. Driving cars on the ground like idiots.”