Wednesday, April 6

Hermantown Hit By Early El-Nino Blast

A spring el nino blast hit Hermantown around 4:15 pm yesterday, according to reports from the weather watchers at Wal-Mart. The blast was the earliest recorded evidence of el nino in the northland, and was cited as a direct effect from global warming, according to Jim Smith, local professor.

Smith claims that el nino effects, including damaging whispy-whirls and thunderbolts, may occur with increasing frequency in the greater Hermantown area. "The flatness of Hermantown, as compared with Duluth, is a huge factor in the development of whispy-whirls," shouted Smith, who is mildly hard of hearing.

Several whispy-whirls were spotted by Wal-Mart employees, who now believe that the destruction of several cart-corrals and the flinging of several carts directly into the store via the roof. The employees previously were under the impression that some sort of super-beast was responsible.

Any residents seeing a whispy-whirl should immediately call 911, according to Smith. Smith cautioned that whispy-whirls would not form in Duluth, due to its hilly topography.