Wednesday, March 2


Hollywood--The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences informed Hilary Swank today that they have accidentally awarded her with the "Best Leading Actress" Oscar during Sunday's ceremony. The winner was supposed to have been any body but Swank, which includes but is not limited to: Annette Benning, Kate Winslet, Catalina Sandino, Imelda Staunton, the girl who works at the Gap, Charo, and Bea Arthur. Apparently the fact that Swank appeared on and acted horribly in "Beverly Hills, 90210" during its extremely crappy years had escaped the majority of Academy member's memory.

Hank Stone, an Academy member for over 15 years said, "Yeah, we messed up pretty royally. I mean, 90210 was high quality for awhile, but after some time who really wanted to watch a balding Ian Zeiring hit on some chick (played by Hilary Swank) with an 8 year-old? Not me. Imagine the shock I had when someone named Sori Telling called me and told me about Hilary being on the show, and then when they told me about 'The Next Karate Kid' I had to alert the rest of the Academy about this catastrophe. I mean, if we don't fix this now, what's going to happen next, will Brain Austin Green win a Grammy for his work as David Silver?"

The Oscar will be taken from Swank, but she won't go away totally empty handed. The Academy of Smug Actors Appearing in Ugly Movies quickly announced that they will present her with their Lifetime Achievement Award at their July 17th ceremony in Reno, Nevada.