Friday, February 18

Shop Wal-Mart, Support Child Labor!

The Hermantown City Council yesterday gave an enthusiastic "yes" to a new Wal-Mart Supercenter in their city. This protest-worthy event was greeted by many spectators, all of whom were against the Wal-Mart proposal. The Duluth News Tribune covered the occasion.

"We just didn't think the spectators spoke for the silent majority," said Councilor Andy Thielen, who accepted a $5,000 bribe from an unknown man just before the Council meeting. The 200,000 square foot structure (The size of 100 extremely large single-family homes) will occupy a huge swath of "disgusting swamp" in the city's big-box development district. Thielen added, "We can't get enough of the Big-Box in Hermantown. They're so awesome, and so beautifully box like."

The sole 'no' vote on the proposal was by Councilor Brad Tafs, who happened to be the only Councilor with ethics enough to not accept payola. Tafs explained that "there's no reason we should legislate to area residents the way that they will be forced to shop. We all know Wal-Mart seeks to outcompete other businesses by selling products made by foreign child laborers. The only reason they're successful is because their shoppers are the biggest bunch of rubes alive."

Because Hemantown decided to go against popular opinion and forego a EIS on the lands, it is likely that many residents may revolt. Should a revolution against the local government become necessary, the Free Republic of Duluth has indicated that it may accept Hermantown as part of its territory.

The Raging Spade hopes that a massive protest effort will begin against the proposed Wal-Mart, immediately. Such tyranny cannot go unpunished. Let us tell the rich bastards that we don't want any more of their 'low-low prices' and 'low-low quality'.