Sunday, January 30

Man Has Minor Stroke at Duluth 10

Cloquet resident Mark Denzler thought everything was fine while waiting in line at Duluth 10 Saturday night. "I was standing there, and the ticket guy said, 'Now seating, all theaters.' So I went to walk in, through this throng of people. They were coming from every direction - the kind of mob that pushes ahead with elbows. Then I got to the front of the line, and the ticket guy tells me 'We're not seating theater 2 yet, sorry.' I couldn't understand it. I was really sad to have been through that turmoil, all in vain. The next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance."

According to manager Herm Johnson, strokes have been relatively rare at Duluth 10. The new layout is designed for maximum aerobic stimulation. To encourage pushing and shoving, no queing system has been provided. Additionally, extra long "lines" ensure that everyone spends the maximum time on their feet. Johnson believes that Denzler's stroke may have been caused by an excess amount of stress. "The, ahem, people, all get stressed when we make them stand in line right up until showtime and then provide them with an exceptionally unclean theater to sit in. But who knows better what's good for the people - themselves, or Duluth's largest cinematic monopoly? I think we all know the answer to that one. CEC provides what's best for us all."

Denzler is in fair condition at St. Mary's Medical Center.